How to Avoid Feeling Stressed

I received an email from a college student who told me she was feeling overwhelmed by the very heavy demands of school and social life. She wanted to know how to avoid feeling "stressed out."
We all know how it feels to be stressed, but what does it mean to be stressed out?

Where does stress come from?
You probably know about the "fight or flight" response--that's the adrenalin kick we get when we're either very excited or in mortal danger and must mobilize our mental and physical resources to defend ourselves.
But what happens when the danger is "merely" looming, and not immediate? There's nothing to fight and nowhere to run. This, in biological terms, is what is meant by stress. And in order to cope with prolonged threat or privation, the body begins to shut down some systems in order to conserve its resources.
College students, for example, tend to start their new semesters, with a rush of excitement, in anticipation of the joys and terrors just ahead--both kinds of excitement come with that animating surge of adrenalin. The feeling of being "stressed out" generally starts sometime after the first week, when the adrenalin wears off but the exciting opportunities and daunting demands remain. But now, without the adrenalin surge, where is the energy to take all that work and play on? The body can't continue to pump out adrenalin, so it shifts into conservation mode, which leaves one feeling stressed--under siege by social and academic demands but lacking the resources to cope.
This feeling of high stress may begin to subside if mid-term exams and social activities go well, because by then the student has acquired some evidence that he or she can cope with the demands of school.

Two strategies for handling stress
No one likes to feel stressed, but perhaps there's another way to look at this problem. The key word in the first paragraph above was "avoid." Stress, it's important to realize, isn't always something to avoid.
Stress can mean 1 of 2 things. The first thing a prolonged sense of stress can mean is that one is genuinely overwhelmed. But feeling overwhelmed is not a reason to avoid the stressor; on the contrary, this distressing feeling is a sign that the life circumstances causing the stress must be dealt with. How? Either by eliminating those conditions altogether, or by reducing their effect on you. You might be able to alleviate the effects somewhat by better balancing work and play, or by increasing your exercise or meditation times, or by talking with friends or a counselor.
The second thing stress can mean is that you have come up against a challenge that you need to overcome. Soldiers walk bravely into high-stress situations when they go to boot camp or to war; young doctors in some specialties compete for the honor of entering the most stressful internships. Students challenge themselves by juggling a heavy course load and an active social life. Why? Because stress is also a sign that one is being presented with an opportunity for growth. To feel stressed--and yet to win the struggle against the forces that caused it--is to gain mastery and maturity and confidence.

Learn more?
Two Web sites that have all sorts of good information about stress are eMedicineHealth and How Stuff Works.
Also, feel free to email me if you have a question you would like me to take up. I don't promise a rapid or personal response, but I do promise that messages are confidential and, to protect your privacy, I won't quote you directly in this blog.